Ma bitch better have ma money...

Look, ma, I did some graphics! This is a terrible webpage for...
Dan & Yoz's
ludicrously late
Flatwarming Party

4pm - 10pm, Sunday 19th of July

Look, ma, I'm very very drunk!
  It's been a mere six months since Yoz and Dan first realised they had to do their own cooking, cleaning and washing up, and it's an indication of how lazy they've been about everything that they're only just getting around to having a flat-warming party. They still haven't got a telly. (However, they did have a four-machine network running within the first two weeks, so don't say you weren't warned)

You want how many Kalishnikov? Our pathetic anti-heroes live in the upper-west Hendon praries, where everyone's very old and polite and nothing exciting ever happens. (This is why the music has to go off at 10pm.) They are desperate for you to join them and inject the most meagre droplets of adventure and purpose into their worthless lives. Oh, and bring some booze.

Cuddle me, for I am love.
  Yoz hopes to be playing a mixture of recycled trip-hop, outdated techno and Saint Etienne singles until he is too bruised to continue. Dan hopes to get very drunk and swap sysadmin war stories. They both hope that the party will be as utterly fab as it can possibly be without it getting them evicted, so why not join them and help turn their crazy, innocent dreams to reality?

Oi Yoz, these graphics are shite! The relevant address is 101 High Mount (off Station Road), Hendon NW4. You may find this map helpful, even though Yoz has scribbled all over it. There are also some handy travel tips and some pathetic attempts at parody in the email invite. The phone number of the flat is 0181-202-8799. No one's ever there but you can leave a message. You can email Yoz at or call him during the day on 0171-543-1725. You can email Dan at or call him on his mobile, on 0958-246659. You can get really good bagels at David Bagel on Vivian Avenue, the smoked salmon and cream cheese ones are massive and really nice. Thank you.

(Scooter! Move to intercept!)

Okay smartarse, next time YOU work out what the magic wand does.

Fix our bloody line you bastards