Are you happy?

  1. Are you smiling?
  2. Are your badges smiling?
  3. Is your name Larry?
  4. Do you wonder why people find Ken Dodd irritating?
  5. When someone sings "If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands", do you clap your hands?
  6. Do you clap your hands a lot anyway? Like a demented sea-lion?
  7. Do you talk about things you'd like to do?
  8. Is the phrase "No more Haagen-Dazs for me, thanks, I'm fine" one you've used recently?
  9. Given that the landlord says the rent is late, he may have to litigate, is "worry" still not on your action item list?
  10. Do you casually smile and wave to passers-by in downtown Brooklyn?
  11. Do you whistle jaunty tunes while watching Ingmar Bergman films?
  12. If your crack dealer cancelled for the rest of the week, would you be just fine with that?
  13. Have you leveraged your core competencies in order to strategise new click-and-order primacies for your clients? Failing that, have you fucked any temps recently? And do you realise that your company home page is an unreadable mess in Mozilla? Do you? You just don't care, do you? Cunt.